Six Key Pieces of Dating Advice for Single Men


I’m sure there are at least a million dating advice articles out there for single men. Well consider this number one million and one. Having been single for a while, and having actively dated part of that time, I’ve made some observations. Here first six that came to mind.

  1. Save the love poems. Love language doesn’t feel genuine coming from a complete stranger. They feel creepy and unwarranted (like “dude, you don’t even KNOW me!”). I’ve had a few guys write poems or send me love notes – right after the first date (or even before). But the ONE time it felt special was when a guy I’d been seeing for a while wrote his first love poem ever – and it was for me. I was really feeling him (way more than I let on at the time).  That’s the piece of writing I cherish.
  2. Be confident. If you think you can’t get the girl, chances are you can’t. I’ve had men tell me over the years (even before I was single) that I’m intimidating. When I ask why they say things like “the way you carry yourself. You look serious; no-nonsense.” I’ve even had a guy tell me that he thought his occupation and income didn’t measure up to mine, so he didn’t try to pursue me, even though he liked me. He felt like he should accomplish more of his personal goals before seriously approaching a woman like me. A confident, established woman is not going to downgrade herself for you – number one. And number two, strong women need love and affection too, and some of us are willing to date down the pay scale – if you are bringing something valuable to the table.
  3. Do a self-assessment. In line with what I just wrote in number two – evaluate yourself. Once you know what kind of relationship you want, ask yourself “What do I bring to the table? How will I be of value to the kind of woman I’m looking for?” Think outside the box. Your list should include qualities – versus a basic list of what you HAVE (a job, an apartment, a car, a dog, etc.) I’m hitting on the point again about dating down pay scales – if you have something to offer (besides mind-blowing sex, the effects of which only lasts so long), and unless the woman is a gold digger, she will probably give you a chance.
  4. Pick up the phone. And stop freaking texting all the damn time. I rarely give my number out because I’m picky, so it irks the hell out of me when I give a guy my number and he uses it to text me 99% of the time. Act like you value the information I gave you and use it as an opportunity to CALL and get to know me. Things get confused over text messages all the time, which is kind of annoying. Phone time and face time are key when you’re interested in getting to know someone. I know entire relationships are built online and via text messages these days, but if you’re over thirty and looking for a sustainable relationship, you should do better.
  5. Be working on you. I can tell you there’s nothing more attractive than an ambitious man with goals and an active plan (meaning he is actively working on those goals). I admit that I’m attracted to ambition and potential, and men who are impactful. You don’t have to have a hundred different ventures going on, but if you’re passionate about your endeavors and making every effort to be the best man you can be, you’re already winning – for yourself, and for the women who are attracted to those qualities. Because a woman who is about anything – is also working on her.
  6. Be consistent. And cut the flakiness. When you’re pursuing a woman – whether merely for sex, or for sex and a potential relationship (and hopefully you were honest in stating your intentions), you need to act accordingly. Some men think they can call/ text consistently one week and fall off the radar the next. Have interesting conversation one week and be a man of few words for the next month. Ask a woman out and then not follow up. —And that’s when you get the middle finger and a NEXXXTTT! Because ain’t nobody got time for that. If you’re serious, step your game up. Be consistent – because actions speak volumes.

And one word of advice for the women – WATCH what the men you’re dating do and either write them off of entertain them accordingly.

Well guys and gals, I hope you enjoyed this advice piece for men. What do you make of it? Anything to add or take away? Can you relate to any of this advice?


Categories: Advice

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25 replies

  1. It’s been some time since I’ve been in the dating game ( bout 9 yrs ) but for sure things were still true back than. I think this was well said and will be appreciative to a REAL man.


  2. Awesome information! I think it’s really important to communicate. I must agree, all that texting isn’t a good way to communicate. It causes confusion and some people will take a text message and make all the wrong assumptions! Yes I must say it’s creepy hearing a love poem from a stranger. Love it!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Addressing #4: I had actually blogged about this days ago where I was advocating that guys should opt for phone convo instead of texting.


  4. Love this! Its quite sad that many men don’t know these things….sometimes a woman needs to school them. I met a guy last year, 41 years old. His firsy contact with me was via text. He said “hello” and nothing else. I didn’t take his mumber so at first I had no idea who it was. Figured it had to be him and immediately knew I would never answer. How do you make initial contact by text and then don’t even have sense enough to remind me of who you are in the text?! He called a few days later, but by then I had already made up my mind that I just wasnt interested and I didnt know how to answer without having to chastise him for that text in the first convo!…we grown and u grew up in a time before cell phones and texting, you should know better!…aint nobody got time for that!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Wow. I can relate to that awkward moment. Like, “huh?” It’s funny how we make instant decisions based on these things, and then struggle with whether to say something (at the risk of chastising). Nowadays, I just ask/ tell them about it. Welp. Thanks girl!


  5. #2 and #3 pretty much go together. Being confident is a MUST. The problem with a lot of guys is that they think confidence comes from money and it really doesn’t. Confidence comes from your knowledge. Confidence comes from your conversation skills. Whether you have a million dollars or 100 dollars you can have knowledge and good conversation. Using your money as confidence just makes you a trick. Women will take money from tricks but will never respect them. Respect is the number one thing you must get from women. If she doesn’t respect you, you’re done.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yup. #s 2 and 3 go together. And amen re confidence and money. I spent a lot of time with a guy who had an issue spending quality TIME outside the house. He always argued that my issue was MONEY (because he made less than I did). Really, it was time, conversation and the rest. So yea, no money, no confidence for a lot of men. He was very supportive in other ways, so he brought something to the table. But in the end…. this piece is more about dating, however the issue of money and confidence runs deep.


  6. I think it was great advice. Hopefully we all can learn a bit from it.


  7. Very informative. I especially liked #6 and #3.
    I also agree on all points. And I must say that calling versus texting, is way more effective. Sometimes we have to go to the basics instead of the use of technology.


  8. As always, you’ve put your finger right on the very heart of the matter, Shakiyla. The things you’ve written above should be common sense thinking, but sadly, in a lot of instances … isn’t. Integrity, honesty, motivation, and self-assurance / self-confidence are all equally attractive (and vitally important) traits, no matter if you’re male OR female.

    Nailed it. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  9. #4 is a big one. People who rather text than talk would raise a red flag for me.

    Liked by 1 person


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