I was chatting with a girlfriend the other day over cocktails, and from general relationship banter, we moved on to the topic of infidelity. In reality, no relationship is perfect – and sometimes people cheat on their spouses or significant other – for whatever reason. In fact, estimates show that 30 to 60% of all married individuals (in the United States) will engage in infidelity at some point, according to www.truthaboutdeception.com. And of course sex plays a big part in any intimate relationship, whether with your lover, your boyfriend or girlfriend – or your marriage partner.

With sex coming into play, sexual chemistry is also a factor. I think it’s safe to say that most people stick with their lovers for any extended period of time because they are getting something from them that they’re missing at home. Sometimes it’s good conversation. It may be difficult to communicate with a long-time committed partner. Sometimes it’s mere companionship. Maybe the partner at home has become complacent. Maybe it’s just the thrill of someone new and spicy. Other times – people stick with their lovers because the sexual chemistry is off the charts. The intimacy is “mine” blowing.

So what happens in the instance the cheater (excuse me, the unfaithful person) decides to abandon their side piece and head back home? Cravings for amazing sex will continue. And upon returning “home,” they may often acknowledge “things just ain’t the same” when noting the difference between sexual chemistry with their lover and desire or for their spouse.

Venturing out of a primary relationship can lead to new discoveries in the bedroom, as well as discovery or confirmation of what one needs to be truly satisfied. The lover could be more well endowed, or more gentle. Perhaps they’re more adventurous – willing to dabble into kinky fetishes while your spouse isn’t.

For instance, I have a friend who likes having her hair pulled when her weave is freshly done, and the tracks are tight. She likes to be thrown around. Not every man will want to engage with her in that type of behavior. But I bet if she had her choice, her husband would.

My personal feeling that if a man or woman is invested enough in a relationship to try to rebuild with someone who cheated, it’s likely that they’d be willing to try to resolve sexual issues as well. Chemistry is a starting point, but willingness to please is another. And in any case, if  you find yourself too repulsed or disgusted by your lover to even think of working through difficulties, or having sex with them on a regular basis, it may be time to rethink being married or romantically involved with the person.

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Have you or someone you know been in this situation? Wanting to abandon a “side” relationship and reconcile with your partner, but going through withdrawal from amazing physical chemistry with a lover? What are some solutions to this issue, either from the perspective of the unfaithful person, or the partner who was cheated on? Is sex really that important to making a partnership work?

Categories: Advice

Tags: Advice, couples, Infidelity, love, Marriage, Relationships, Romance, Sex