I just read this article on Grace Jones where she rails against certain forces that make women seem ill equipped or crazy for taking on positions of power that are generally held by men – and more specifically misogyny in the music industry.
Her thoughts on being treated like a temperamental, unstable mess for trying to control her career are very relatable although I can’t say it’s happened to me personally. (I did have a time about 8 years ago when I felt like I was about to go over the edge with grief and stress though. My sister had died, and so much more.)
But the part I liked most – the part I really want to share with you, is this quote from Ms. Jones’ other article I read: “If the fuck don’t feel right, don’t fuck it.” Again, contextually, she’s talking about the music industry and how artists lose their identity by following the “machine” versus their hearts. The statement took me back to my youth though.
What I’m about to say is explicit, but maybe someone could relate – to one or more “fucks” – and I mean relationships, sexual relations, intimate moments, moments of fear and or discomfort – that you may have experienced with a particular person and you knew it just wasn’t right. You knew you were in the wrong place doing the wrong thing. But you went with the flow anyway.
Would you do that now? Or would you listen to that inner voice that tells you to run far and fast? What if running meant you’d be lonely, or embarrassed, or that you’d be ridiculed for backing down to peer pressure?
How many fucks would you have to give?
I’m willing to bet that many of us have had those moments where he/ she/ it just didn’t feel right. Maybe it did at first. Or maybe we had something to prove (by being “grown”). Some of us have been abused or belittled or harmed in some way by our decision to fuck anyway.
Really, I just liked the quote and had no real idea where this post would go. But here we are. Take what you will.
“If the fuck don’t feel right, don’t fuck it.”
‘I’ll Never Write My Memoirs’ by Grace Jones is published by Simon and Schuster and is available from Waterstones.
Yes, been there done that. First, to address Grace Jones comment about the music industry. When I first started to play and write, I wanted to write music that I thought people would enjoy. But, I didn’t do so at my self respect. Sometimes I think that there are musicians and there are entertainers. I think that musicians as artists write what is from their heart, and entertainers write what people want to hear. It’s a fine line sometimes..
But as far as giving or not giving a fuck, yes, I’ve certainly been in those situations. Unfortunately for me, the realization that it didn’t feel right happened to be smack in the middle of it, and I suppose I didn’t have the will to stop. Looking back on it now, I think that those moments certainly made me reassess how I looked at relationships and as a result, made my choices more wisely.
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Very insightful as always. Interesting point about the music industry. There are probably lots of fine lines and pressure to conform. And Real musicians (in mainstream) are becoming few and far between. I seek out live music and pure talent though. One of my fave things to do.
In my personal life, I’ve made choices because I felt I had no other options, or because I needed attention, or to feel like someone cared about me! My spirit knew it wasn’t the best for me, but I made the best out of those situations – including being a young mom.
I feel her on this 100% The current system we live in rewards us for going against what we know is the right thing to do for a paycheck. Especially for Black people. A lot of money is paid to other Black people who will not speak out against the power structure. They deflect on everything but the power structure. This goes back to slavery. Black people were rewarded with butter biscuits for telling on other Black people. We still carry a lot of those habits to this day.
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You are absolutely right. I never really followed Grace Jones, but reading the two articles, I have a newfound respect for her. She called out all the puppets and flowers in the industry and demonstrated her ability to maintain her integrity and independence at all cost.
I only remember her from boomerang which was one of my favorite movies. The only way to be somewhat free is to be as independent of the system as possible. Which means business and wealth ownership. You truly can’t be free until the entire global system we live in right now is replaced. That’s an entire different post though lol
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I remember her from the 80s. Seeing her music videos.