The Men I’ve Loved | Did I Chose? Or Was it Fate?

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Que Sera Sera.”


As a teen, I longed for someone to love me. To care about me. I had a son – at 16.

In my 20’s, I wanted a supportive partner who would never abandon me. I found one – at 25. Then I felt unfulfilled, so I broke things off. 11 years later. (I still give him credit for being the most patient, laid back man I’d ever met. Rode with me through thick and thin.)

And now – if you’ve been reading my blog, you know I’m dating a distinguished gentleman – after being very single for a while. (I so enjoyed telling one-off dating stories.)

Before I go any further, this is the question I’m meant to answer here: Do you believe in fate, or do you control your own destiny?

It’s somewhat unitentional that this is turning into a post about men I love (or have loved). The child I had when I 16 is grown now. And lest we forget (well, some of you don’t know), I have another son. He’s 19 – and in some ways, we have similar personalities. Both sons are really creative in their own rights.

To answer the question, I control my destiny. My father left when I was around 12. My mother had put up with all sorts of abuse, while at the same time – very much contributing to household dysfunction herself. And then she reached her breaking point. From what I can tell (looking back), as a young mother, she still had a strong desire to be free, unattached and youthful forever.

I was about to say I didn’t choose my parents (contrary to my lovers and sons) – but some theories offer that we do choose the families and circumstances we are born into – based on what we wish to develop or master here on this planet. I think there may be some truth to that.

But let’s say that I didn’t pick these two very unavailable people as my parents. I did chose to be a vessel for the three people I brought into this world (including my daughter) and I chose to make room for the other men in my life too – including the very fine brother I’m dating now. (I catch myself staring at him often!)

Remember how I set my doubt and skepticism aside and went out to dinner with him for the first time at the urging of friends? Sitting across the table from him, I was intrigued, but indifferent. Unsure if I would ever see him again. (You can never be too sure in the dating game.) Attracted to him, yet reserved. He was certain he’d see me again though. When he began the chase, I decided to show up and be responsive.

My point? And maybe I went off on a tangent — but no matter what happens (every stage of my life is a process – and stages and processes often overlap), I’m making a series of choices, on how to think, how to act, how to engage, on whether or not to be conscious of my obsessive tendencies – and all of that will factor into how things play out.


Yes, I believe the Universe is always conspiring to bring me just what I need to grow. And putting people in my path who help propel me toward my potential, so long as I’m taking action on my part. And so on. It starts with me. At least that’s what I believe.

At every turn, I shape my destiny via thoughts, words, and actions. I’ve also been guilty of self-sabotage. I.e. over eating carbs, when I’m saying I want to lose a few pounds. Or finding little things wrong with potential love interests so I could dismiss them. Terrible habit I had there.


So I pose the same question to you: Do you believe in fate or do you believe you can control your own destiny? As far as your children, your lovers, your family, your parents, etc. Is it fate that you wound up together? Or have you made specific choices that led to where you are? What about your career? Are you doing what you are/were destined to do? If not, do you control whether or not you stay in the same profession? Or will fate decide?

Categories: Inspiration, Random

Tags: , , , , ,

7 replies

  1. So true! A lot of life comes down to choices that we made, and paths we’ve traveled. But,in the end, all of those bumps and bruises makes us who we are today. Excellent post, Shakiyla!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I like this, its deep ( just from knowing you personally ) it’s like a comfort to look back on where you came from to where you are and feelings of the future awaiting for even bigger changes and happiness.


  3. Just replied to your post. 

    Sent from Yahoo Mail on Android

    From:”My Female Persuasion” Date:Thu, Sep 3, 2015 at 7:38 AM Subject:[New post] The Men I’ve Loved | Did I Chose? Or Was it Fate?

    myfemalepersuasion posted: “In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Que Sera Sera.” As a teen, I longed for someone to love me. To care about me. I had a son – at 16. In my 20’s, I wanted a supportive partner who would never abandon me. I found one – at 25. Then I fel”


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