I’m sure you’ve heard the term “wife material.” Per urban dictionary (I know, I know…), that means “a girl you would consider perfect enough to marry one day.”

Of course I’ve given this some thought because I write about dating and relationships and I observe couples all the time. Aside from that, I’m in a partnership.

What makes a man choose a woman to be his wife? (Of course women choose too, and have a say in being chosen, but that’s a topic for another day.) What qualities are men typically looking for? Common themes I hear as far as good qualities are: nurturing, responsible, knows how to manage a home, etc.

And then some men marry ratchet women. But ratchet is as ratchet does in all cases. That’s not what we’re talking about here.

I turned this question on myself. What are some of my best qualities that might bring balance to a partnership? Aside from being nurturing, I bring resilience to the table. That “ride or die” spirit I was born with, and cultivated as a poor girl growing up in Brooklyn. I’m resourceful. According to my partner, I’m very determined and creative. He says it’s burdensome on a man to have to come up with solutions to everything – from how to fix a doorknob to a “whole life” plan. Creativity and intelligence are important to him. (And so are cooking skills!)

A Few Things I Miss About the Single Life

And then I turned the question on a few men I know – just to bring the male perspective (and some balance) into this. Here are the qualities they’re looking for (or already have) in a potential wife:

Guy #1

Her values when it comes to raising your kids.
Of course physical attraction.

Guy #2

Every guy has his own things he’d like but some guys say She must be Loyal, sexual, she must have a great heart, she’s gotta be able to cook, she’s gotta have old school mom like qualities. Meaning how mothers would pretty much run the house, feed everybody and hold down a 9-5.

Guy #3

Hustle skills, home skills — Hustle skills meaning how do you make money…

Guy #4

1. Our core belief in who and what God is, has to be aligned
2. Our Callings/Life missions must be kindred and important to one
another
3. Be sexually and physically compatible
4. Better with $ than me. Much better. LOL
5. Love Children/Family
6. Make the House we build a Home.

I’m Engaged! Haters Gonna Hate?

Responses varied, as expected. There’s no one-size-fit-all answer, but we can find common threads if we look.

Everyone is looking for what or who floats their boat. And that’s a beautiful thing because there are just so many flavors and personalities of women along different spectrums.

I got to thinking though… Maybe we give too much power and thought to the term “wife material.” In some ways, it’s used to slight unmarried women by insinuating that we’re not “worthy” of being chosen, or that we’re lacking in some way.

On the other hand, I’m unbothered – and self assured. We all like what we like. My self-worth isn’t determined by what bucket a man places me in. And the term “material” doesn’t have to be taken so literally. Or does it?

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What do you think of the term wife material? Do you use the term to describe yourself or your woman, or the one you would look to marry?

What are some of the qualities you look for in a partner? Did any of my friends’ answers resonate with you?