Well, well, well – Idris Elba or Nah?

I almost didn’t show up last night. He lives in Europe. I live in the states. A chance meeting brought us together in Manhattan during his business trip, but what could possibly come of it?


My thoughts were scattered :

*****He seems honest enough, but what kind of life is he living overseas? With whom?

*****Why waste my time having dinner when I’m not interested in long distance chatting? So what he’s offering? Who needs a pen pal?? (Out of sight, out of mind, right? Pretty much.)

*****Do I really want to be bothered?

*****Do I really feel like wearing a dress and makeup?

And on and on. I was trying to talk myself out of enjoying the company of a handsome man — because — What if?

What if he’s crazy? I’m gonna watch my drink closely. What if he’s a con artist?! What could he possibly want from me? Lol.

I remembered this quote about how when you don’t allow people to give to you, you block blessings – or love or something like that. Actually, I found it:


I remembered my Jamaican friend who married a German man and moved to Switzerland. I think they met when she was an exchange student in Germany. They have two children now.

I remembered telling myself, several times, that I would remain (or try to be) open during this process. Three years of the single life has probably made me even more of a skeptic! And I really have no horror stories because I’ve trusted my intuition all along the way. Yeah me!


Anyway, I had a great date with this very chocolate Idris Elba look alike. Similar British accent too (definitely a first for me).

Conversation was spectacular. We’ve both spent a lot of time as single parents. Lots of laughs. He’s very insightful – and analytical. Handsome, and seemingly the transparent type. Loves music. He’s smart and creative. And – he picked a spot where we ate West Indian cuisine, and listened to reggae tunes playing in the backdrop. Y’all know that’s my fave!

His assessment of me? That he has a lot of gates to get through before he gets to the “golden one.” Come on now, am I really that guarded??? He also said I have a very calming presence and that I take my time assessing the “RISKS” of any given situation – and that my job in finance has helped me cultivate that skill! He’s right. Oh, supposedly I had a raised eyebrow as I listened to him, and I’m really a Caribbean girl at heart (I’ve heard that so many times!). Lol.

Well y’all, this is one for the books… haha! I think “LB” could be cool. He’s here often. I love New York!


Have you ever assessed the risk so closely, you missed (or almost missed) out on the opportunity to have fun? Or are you pretty spontaneous? How is that working for you? What’s your criteria as far as saying Yes to a date? What are your conditions, if any?

Categories: Dating Stories, Personal Stories

Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

25 replies

  1. It sounds like a very good beginning, Shakiyla!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I am like you, very relatable post. I overthink everything, and often write off the “relationship” even before a first date. I have tried the spontaneous go-with-the-flow attitude, but is not for me, there’s no switching off my brain. And I DO care about risk, about tail risk specifically.. like you, work induced behaviour.
    Has it worked out so far? I think you could say not really given I am still single, but at the same time I think I can safely say that even if this behaviour hasn’t brought me “the one” at least has spared me a lot pointless heartbreaks

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ha! So well said. I think the pros of risk assessment outweigh the cons. Who’s going to protect our hearts but us? I have absolutely no regrets about the single years (3.5 so far). I needed the time and space. I’m more clear on what I want now. And a lot of people really are a waste of time (liars, cheats, etc).

      Liked by 1 person

  3. A must read, I like the teaser. Date: Fri, 31 Oct 2014 12:24:19 +0000 To: jrsanderman@hotmail.com

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Sounds like a terrific evening. Idris Elba look alike compete with accent? Yes, I think that trumps long distance. Nothing wrong with having gates. Love that he sees the last one as golden. The entrance to something quite special.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Oh boy! Definitely high risk! I really don’t know what to think. He seems like the perfect man. So , I’m thinking, what’s taking so long for him to find his soulmate. Majority of us women would partially run for this kind of man. Sooooooo….”what’s the catch?”

    I know that it’s possible to be single for a long time. Don’t get me wrong, he seems to have it all together. I would continue to analyze the situation until the fact are positive. He would really have to work on me. Lol….

    Liked by 1 person

    • Girl, most people go a lifetime (I would argue) without finding a soulmate. I’m not easily moved or convinced, so I understand that.

      I don’t think any of us have it ALL together – we’re struggling to find balance. Half the time, I don’t wanna be bothered because I have so many other priorities! (Part of why I’m single. I be like “I don’t care!”) Lol

      But, girl. Time will tell if I ever see or speak to him again. The dating scene is a very fickle and flakey place, so you never know. Part of finding balance is managing our expectations.

      Thank youuu! Xoxox


  6. I say go for it. I can definitely get behind what you said above in that everyone is indeed struggling to find balance … which is exactly why (in this PIsces’ mind) following one’s instincts are so important. Life is so incredibly short. I’m one of those who see it all as some sort of grand adventure.

    Carpe diem. LOL

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Girl, you had me at Idris Elba…lol I am also very guarded with my heart. I don’t open up easily and i have a hard time believing in men. All in all, you took a chance and just see where it goes.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. When I was in the dating game, I was going on a lot of dates. It’s a numbers game so the more women I meet the more chance I have of meeting one who will be right for me. At one point I had over 15 women I was actively talking to. Some I ended up meeting some I didn’t. That helped my options.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Woah, reading this gave me chills. I met someone who looked at What If? totally differently than I did. He made me feel safe enough to take a leap. You took a chance and your What If? turned to something beautiful! xoxo

    Liked by 1 person


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