Lately I’ve kept you guys completely out of the loop as far as my dating life. No worries. There haven’t been any fireworks. At all. Here’s a brief rundown.
I wrote about Nigel in this piece. Based on my fantasy that there would be fireworks and sexual tension. Okay, based on the fact that I had gutter brain. Heh. He actually made it to date #3 – just because I have somewhat of a history of counting guys out after date #1. Like here and here… I must say that my intuition is on point. I was bored out of my mind talking to him! Whenever I tried to get a word in edgewise, he would cut me off and either talk about this job (he owns tax consultant business), his ex-wife (she let her 16-year old son lay between them in the bed at night to watch TV), his strained relationship with his son’s mother (she changes like the weather), or what body part he worked at the gym last. I couldn’t. To his credit, he owns a business, is generous, persistent, he works out (very important), and he owns a home. But still, he wanted something long-term and I just couldn’t see it. Although he expressed that he would still like to hang out, it’s been a couple of weeks since we’ve spoken.
This other guy (Let’s call him Alex.) —- I wrote about him last year. Remember how he talked about his disdain for fat women on our first date? Anyway, he flaked on a brunch date we had scheduled Labor Day weekend. We were supposed to confirm that morning to meet around 12pm. He called at 3pm. I was in the gym working out by that time. I never answered the phone and didn’t return his call. Fast forward to November 2013. He sent me a text message saying something like “it’s a shame we’re not talking. you could at least apologize.” I hit him with the “Who’s this??!!!”
“Wrong number. I’m sorry.” Haaahahaa!!
Fast forward to last Friday night. I was thinking about him. So after a few minutes of hesitating, I decided ‘Ehh, what the hell.’ I texted him a “hey, how are you?” Guess what? He was very happy to hear from me, said he hadn’t been out with anyone like me since our initial date. “It’s hard to get motivated by basic chicks.” (His words.) Anyway, he apologized for his negligence, told me how much he missed me, and asked if he could make it up to me. He also said “You are a very difficult woman. Like a Soduko puzzle. It’s hard to figure you out.”
I say, “What?”
“A Soduko puzzle. What, you never played before?”
I say yes, and “So I’m that difficult, but you still missed me huh?”
We’ve pretty much talked every day since. I have to keep asking him to stay in the present with me. He’s already on to making love and planning what we’ll say at our engagement party, and what our vows will sound like when we get married. (I can’t.) Like stop. I know that’s some guys’ game, but really? Give me a break.
Remember that was one of the issues I had with him when I wrote about our first date. Like dude, chill! Stay with me — in the present.
I do believe he sincerely missed me. I think it’s kind of funny though.
All women are not pressed for dates (enough to wait around twiddling thumbs for a particular man), or in a rush to change their status from SINGLE to — whatever!!
Speaking of status, he’s already asked me to date him exclusively. (“You’re a beautiful woman and I don’t want to share you.”)
WHAT? Dude, I don’t KNOW you!
I’m not ready for that and I told him I don’t want to put myself in a position to even have to THINK about being dishonest with him. Besides, we all know he has a history of playing games, right? And we bump heads. I have a dominant personality and he thinks I’m controlling. Oh well.
He also claims he’s happy with the way I look and doesn’t feel that I need to invest more than a moderate amount of time in the gym, or even have a trainer. That’s a battle he will never win, so he needs to tread carefully. It’s not about the way A MAN thinks I look. “The first time I saw you, I was like why the hell is she always in the gym? I would fuck the shit out of her!” (His words.) That’s all good and fine, but I’m a happier person when I’m training and no one has a say in that. Modify my schedule if I need to accommodate you? Yes. Give up my option to have a trainer or train whenever I feel like it? Get the hell outta here! (Side note: I tried Bikram yoga yesterday for the first time. Challenging to say the least, but I have 29 more sessions.)
Wait, I went off on a tangent, but I’m back!! I do think about him when we’re not talking (Is this turning into a Confession piece?) and I like that I can’t walk all over him. I do have a dominant personality. I claim that!
He’s still writing me poetry and wants to know why I can’t just accept the fact that I have that effect on men. No argument.
Okay, y’all that’s the latest. I wrote another guy off yesterday because he was just too needy and in a rush for intimacy. He told me that his mother didn’t care about him when he was growing up because she had him at seventeen and dropped out of college as a result. And she was gifted. I can relate to his story, but he was just too overwhelming.
I may summon him in another piece, but in the meantime, Alex and I have dinner plans in tomorrow. We’re supposed to see snow and very frigid temps in New York City though, so I’m not so sure.
Have you ever ended things with someone for flaking on a date? Have you rekindled with someone you dated briefly, only to have the situation turn into a long-term relationship? What’s the best thing about being single? If you’re currently single, what would it take to change your status? What do you make of the guy who flaked on me – does he deserve another chance?
Categories: Blogging, Dating Stories, Narratives
Love this entry.. It definitely brought up some interesting points of giving individuals second chances. I am most intrigued about one of the questions you posted to your audience of ” If you’re currently single, what would it take to change your status? ” Quick story: I went on a few dates with a guy about 3 months ago. He had alot of the personality qualities I look for. I wasn’t so sure about him because for me, there was not that initial attraction, which I thought should have been there considering all of his other qualities were great; however, I was willing to overlook it and continue to get to know him. What I couldn’t get over, and what ultimately became a dealbreaker, is that I felt pressured to define what I wanted extremely early on — as in, after the second date. I knew he really liked me and I knew he was waiting for an answer. I didn’t like the pressure, so I backed out. But I feel like I am similar in your thinking — just because I am single and I would like to be with someone, doesn’t mean I am jumping at everyone that comes along just because I don’t have the men knocking down my door! I do find it interesting that the more women hold back or, better yet, when we dont give in so easily, the lengths they will go to just to make sure they are still on your radar. I could go on about all the thought-provoking lessons this is bringing up lol so I’ll just stop here! Again, great post!
Wow. Thank you for such a thoughtful comment. He actually said the break we had after the first date made him appreciate me. I told him words are nice, but I’m waiting for the ACTION.
To your point about attraction, oddly none of my long-term relationships would have been my first choice based on looks.
As far as the guy you dated, what do you think he would’ve said if you told him what you said here. “I like you, but I’m more comfortable going at a slower pace for now. I’m unsure.” (Or something like that.)
Ok, I want to touch on all your questions. YES! I have ended things for flaking on a date. I don’t like to think I have plans and then the guy doesnt show up. Especially if I don’t get enuff prior notice of cancellation. It says something about your character. Never rekindled and had it turn into long term, usually I’m just reminded why it didn’t last the 1st go round. The best thing about being single is not having to answer to anyone. It would take a strong,smart, independent, loving, aggressive manly man to change that. Idk what to think of the guy who flaked on you. (I can be hard, as you know), but he obviously missed a good thing and is trying to make it up to you. You have to go with your gut.
Lol. Love this reply. I’m hard on guys too. Hence all the one-date posts! This time I set my stubbornness aside because the fact that I kept thinking about him warranted a text at least. I had nothing to lose. We had a date at 12 (he was supposed to call me that morning to confirm). He called at 3. I had a feeling something was up. We’ll see girl. I probably won’t publish anything else about him in the near future though. To your point about rekindling, I’ve never done that either. Thought about it though. He and I don’t have much history.
Thanks for chiming in!
“He’s already on to making love and planning what we’ll say at our engagement party, and what our vows will sound like when we get married.” HAHAHAHA you need to send him the link to the chronicles so he can man up first. I know this is the game a lot of guys use and it’s horrible. I think this is the number one complaint women have about men. Selling ice cream dreams when they meet women. Clearly as a way to hit it. You don’t have to add any extras.
As far as flakes, I’ve met up with women who flaked on me. I only did it because when they flaked, they gave me a new date and time to chill. Plus, I told them they had to take me out for flaking.
Lastly, men please stop having the exclusive talk with women. As a man you should NEVER EVER EVER talk about being exclusive with a girl first. She’s suppose to bring that up. You have to be in control of your emotions. How do you look confessing love to a woman that hasn’t done so to you first?
Lol. Haaahaaa!!!!! Reema, you’re hilarious. You go ahead and let him sit there and wait for me to bring it up. (Exclusivity). Lolll. Omg, I’m cracking up. I’m not ready to give up having options – just yet. And hell no – re him looking at your blog!
Selling ice cream dreams is DEFINITELY a major complaint. It’s up to the women to wait on his ACTIONS though. Anybody with the gift of gab can sell a dream. I think it works in a man’s favor to allow a woman the space and time to warm up to those ideas and start fantasizing before he ever mentions it.
Oh and that’s nice of those women to treat you — just because they had to reschedule. Sigh!
The woman will bring up being exclusive if that’s what she wants. Like you said, you’re not ready to give up your options. I’m sure you let him know that. You told him a few times to just stick in the present time….What’s wrong with him learning something? I guarantee he would be a brand new dude. You might want to give up the options.
What’s wrong with treating after flaking?
I did tell him that repeatedly. But I’m doing what I wanna do, so…
You’re right. If that’s what she wants. I’m used to guys bringing it up. And it’s natural because when a man is really into you, the thought of you being with someone else is disturbing.
Nothing wrong with that re treating, but I’ve never heard or thought of that suggestion. Lol. Things come up all the time. Sheesh.
Yes things come up all the time but my time is valuable. If we made plans, we made plans. If you cancel them that’s on you to make up for that.
I have it go both ways all the time (they cancel, I cancel). They pay. 🙂 I’m the woman! Just teasing u, but true.
Unless he had some kind of emergency, no guy who flakes on a date deserves a second chance. (just my opinion). If he was playing games, it’s his loss. Who has time for games?
I’ve held that perspective too. (I must be softening up!) Thanks TK.
I also just remembered that I had canceled on him a couple of times due to conflicting obligations – the difference being that I gave advance notice.
Yes, that’s a big difference. I don;t see any reason why someone can’t at least do that much. The worst that should happen is, after the fact, a message about some kind of crazy emergency where he is away from his phone. Like… idk, I got pulled over.
I think he does not deserve another chance. I only say this because it is too soon in you all’s friendship to be dealing with the foolery. Nobody has time for that! NEXTT!!!!
And look at you, feeling Alex and what-not. Get it girl!
Lol. Foolery. Girl you ain’t said nothing but a word!
Hi, I really enjoyed your blog
I can’t think of a time I’ve been stood up (subconscious suppression for certain)… I have however, had to sit and listen to a date explain to another guy on the phone why she’s not turned up for him…!
I agree with uniquelymeme NEXT!!!
Hi, thanks for chiming in. Amazing what we hear on dates! And yes, he’s too into bickering. (I am man, hear me roar. Men are smarter than women, etc.) Way too early. Way.
True re what you hear, but in that instance I couldn’t help but hear as it was my date on the phone lol
Oh. You must have been zoning out!
Yes well practiced in zoning out