Is Amazing Worth Waiting For ? I posed that question some time ago, and most people, myself included, answered YES.
In reading Mars and Venus on a Date (Again), I realized that men and women may take different emotional routes to AMAZING, but eventually most of us aspire to the same thing – a thriving partnership.
According to Dr. Gray, here’s What Makes A Woman Special to a man:
I’m not a man, so I have no first-hand perspective, but I’ve had men talk marriage and ask for an exclusive relationship on or after a first date! Major turnoff, but no doubt they were stuck on physical attraction. Granted, I bring more to the table than that, but can you really gauge compatibility within a couple of hours of meeting? Enough to suggest that I take myself off the market?
Recently a guy texted me after a first meeting stating his hopes for a long-term relationship with me. When I saw him again, he asked if I’m on birth control or had tubal ligation and re-stated his strong views on marriage. The following weekend during a snow storm: “Come over. Let’s get snowed in.”
I think not. (Different story altogether, but why would I drive in treacherous conditions to get “snowed in” with a guy I barely know? A wood-burning fireplace ain’t THAT cool. I want my life.) But if I was feeling him….
Things work differently for women. Here’s What Makes A Man Special:
This rings a bell for me because I’ve learned that I’m more attracted to men who are living their lives on their own terms and doing it well. They’re passionate about something and very expressive about their life’s work and or passions. They’re disciplined, and ambitious and their communication style is energetic.
Notice, I omitted physical qualities. My eye naturally wanders toward taller, chocolate-looking men, but those attributes won’t capture my heart. I love a well-defined back and nice, sculpted thighs on a man, but what beats mental, emotional, and spiritual chemistry? A nice, chiseled body is just icing on the cake! But – if a man can stimulate me mentally, he’s earning points.
Dr. Gray also notes that when you feel instant sexual attraction to someone you just meet, that’s unhealthy chemistry based on your expectations for who that person is, versus who they REALLY are. And I bet we all have stories about unmanaged expectations.
We all have differing views on what makes a man or woman “special,” but there’s something to be said about building romantic chemistry by moving through different stages of dating – potentially leading to Amazing.
What do you think of this perspective on how we build chemistry in romantic relationships? What makes a potential partner special to you, initially and over time? Are men more hung up on physical attributes than women?
- Is Chemistry Everything? (francespei.wordpress.com)
- Falling in love feels impossible to me. (ask.metafilter.com)
- Love as Therapy (sorendreier.com)
- Can You be Physically Attracted to Someone and Not Know it? (psychologytoday.com)
- The Search for Chemistry (acculturated.com)
Categories: Advice, Blogging, Dating Stories, Inspiration
I do believe that men are more hung up on physical attraction than women. Men want arm candy and that is usually what makes the decision for them as to whether or not they seriously consider dating a woman. A man’s intelligence, masculine sensitivity, drive and heart are what attracts me, although I am drawn to tall men as well. However, usually I can tell if I like I guy from the first conversation/date. Everyone has their own thing that makes them special. What one may think is special, another may think is wack.
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Love this response and agree re men typically eyeing the arm candy or physically endowed, although some choose the opposite. (There’s someone for everyone.) Some men who are gorgeous and talented (by societal standards) choose quality women who are beautiful, but not according to media norms. “A man’s intelligence, masculine sensitivity, drive, and heart…” whoo chile! Such a great line. Love it.
Billions are spent on fabricating a fiction of beauty both small & great in both men & women. It obviously matters or we think it does. I wonder howmany people would choose to be bright over beautiful…given the choice. What does makes a person react positively to another? Sometimes its a mystery beyond intellectualising…sometimes not…?
There are plenty of psychological studies out there, but you’re right. Sometimes we’re smitten and can’t explain why. If the same ‘type’ turns us on over and over again, we get better at assessing and expressing what that Thing is. Same for relationship professionals. They learn to express dynamics intelligentlt. Thanks for chiming in.
I can’t believe a guy asked if you’d had a tubal ligation after the first date! I swear… reminds me of the Asian guy who was dreaming of you all’s babies, what!
I like that explanation of attraction, though… it took a while for me to fully fall for the guy I am with now and it had entirely to do with gaining an understanding of the kind of man he was and how he approached life and the world. In the past I was way caught up in the whirl of the moment and passion and all that crazy stuff that leads to toxic, codependent relationships… This new approach has worked much better, haha.
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Lol. The things these men ask and dream up! Love that response about attraction. The high-energy, whirl of the moment experience is so much more exhilarating initially. But then that long term attraction and acceptance is so much more rewarding. (Constant note to self!) Thx.