Call me hasty, but “Larry” had too many damn red flags for me.
So, I’m standing on line at Caffe Bene in Times Square getting my usual spinach, chicken wrap. In walks this tall dark-skinned guy, with a sharp, sharp hairline that connects to his sideburns, and around his beard line. I was wondering if it was dyed because it looked jet black.
I thought “well let me not judge too harshly based on his hairline.” We wound up exchanging numbers.
Something about Larry told me he liked to dominate in the bedroom. Maybe it was the groggy, uneven bass in his voice, or the natural side-eye he was giving me. I’m not here for anybody choking or hitting me – at all, but I was curious. Maybe if he made it through all phases of his auditions, he might get to do a little wrestling in bed with me.
Cut to last Saturday (same week we met). I get a text message at around 10:55am. “So what are you doing later? Wanna meet up?”
I say I have no plans and would like to meet up. (Oh, COOL. I have plans now! Woop woop.) I go about my business doing things I already had on my agenda (returns at the mall, manicure and pedicure, etc. Even threw in eyebrow waxing – I now had plans.)
He was supposed to call me back with details after his nap.
5 o’clock passes. 6pm passes. By 7pm, I’m thinking of a plan B. Because I’m going out regardless.
This joker calls me at 8pm. I let the phone ring out. I haven’t gotten dressed or done my makeup. Basically, EFF him for calling back so late. I’m supposed to rush now? I don’t think so!
He was definitely pissed that I ignored the call. When I heard from him the next morning, told him I thought he flaked, because guys do that from time to time.
More offense taken. “I wanted to meet up! I’m a man of my word. When I say I’m going to do something I do it.” (Like, dude – but I don’t know you though.) He explained that he was thinking we could go to a comedy show at 10pm, then bowling, and then maybe out for some drinks. “The city never sleeps.”
In hindsight, he had an “all night” date planned out. I noted for the record that I need advance notice.
But here’s why I cancelled the next date we had set up. Bottom line, I was aggravated as hell. And I can’t deal with people aggravating me, ESPECIALLY some man I don’t know. Aggravation at the outset is a major red flag. Here’s what I observed.
Red Flag #1. He was too hesitant. For every question I asked him, I heard a long pause and an “ehhhhh….” before he responded. He told me he’s a member at XYZ gym. I ask, “Really? Which one? I’ve been to a couple.”
“Ehhhhhh….. they do massages there, they have a sauna, etc.” Really? That’s not what I asked. He said he’s hesitant about giving out details about his location because he recently filed a restraining order against a woman who started stalking him after three dates. She showed up at his job unannounced after he broke things off with her. He found out she lived with a man.
Red Flag #2. He called too much. I know I can be a handful, so initially when Larry kept calling back I thought “ok, he’s persistent. He goes after what he wants and likes a challenge.” But when my phone started ringing at 7:30am (naturally, I ignored it because I was rushing out the door to work), and then again at 9:30am because he wanted to know I was at work, and 6:45pm (and 6:55pm because I didn’t answer), I knew he was crazy. First of all, why the hell do you care where I’m at if you don’t know me? Then he had the nerve to say “I wanted to make sure you’re on your way home because I’m on MY way home. So are you in transit? Commuting? Already home, or what?” Then he added “just curious.” I had just pulled up in my driveway, but I wasn’t letting his ass know that. Please!
Red Flag #3. He was too concerned about my whereabouts. (See red flag #2.)
Red Flag #4. He was boastful. Maybe he was trying to impress me. Maybe he was lying. (“I do work for celebrities, making up to five thousand dollars a weekend. I have land in Barbados. I just got approved for a loan. I’m building a house there. I travel often. I’m looking to buy a new house. I drive a convertible………..”)
Red Flag #5. He Lied. At least it sounded like a lie to me. “I sold my house in State A because I got a job offer in State B. I did a short sale to keep from messing up my credit.” Well a short sale is an alternative to foreclosure. You sell the home for less than the amount you owe on the mortgage. Unless the lender agrees to report the debt as “paid in full,” your credit still takes a hit. And if you’re moving one state over, why bother? I could be reading too much into this one, but the story didn’t sound logical.
In my mind, these things add up to a controlling liar. And I don’t have any room for that in my life. I admit that I had a bit of regret about not going on the date – just for further confirmation, or an interesting story to tell if nothing else. But I’ve never felt that uneasy and aggravated by I guy I just met. I decided to go with my gut feeling, even though I just chilled at home listening to music both nights we were supposed to go out.
First Date – What’s Your Take?
So, did I overreact to what I thought were obvious red flags? Or was Larry just an overzealous guy who was very interested in getting to know me? Would you have gone out with him, or would you have stopped him in his tracks like I did?
Fellas, what do you think of this guy’s behavior?
Categories: Dating Stories, Personal Stories
Nice field report as we’d say in pickup.
I don’t get why Larry didn’t get back to you before 8. Why not inform you of the plans from 10 AM?
He dropped mad points for that. And to then want to make it up is bullshit.
You made me laugh though with the hairline thing lol!
LOL. Thanks Kenny.
And what was his excuse for not getting to you before 8 pm?
He said he woke up from his nap at 7:45. And that was too damn bad because I wasn’t about to rush and get ready.
And didn’t you go and get your hair did and all that?
No, I got a manicure and pedicure, which was already on my agenda.
“I remember a while ago, I’d written an article where I said that women are ultimately responsible for dead-beat dads. Reason being is that if women were to take their heads from up their asses and SCREEN the men they date (when they first meet), then they would have chosen decent men. But women chose with emotions opposed to logics and good qualities in the man. While men chose by looks opposed to quality.”
Kenny, this is a comment you left on one of my posts back in January. It reminded me of this current post about the date not happening.
I remember the comment but I don’t see the connection at all to this post or date not happening. Enlighten me.
The topic is screening people.
Oh I see :lol:! True dat! So in other words, you didn’t screen properly with this guy? To me, he doesn’t seem like a bad guy. He just isn’t too on point when it comes to scheduling.
Kenny, must I over explain? Lol. I DID screen him! Women are saying RUN, but men are saying he doesn’t really seem like a bad guy. Two totally different perspectives.
Uh, yikes. No thank you. The whole “my last girlfriend was a stalker so I can’t tell you where I work out but look at me I have land in barbados” thing just screams douchebag.
Lol. My sentiments exactly! So you’re flashy, but don’t want me to know too much?
wow this guys sounds crazy. Good thing you charged him when you did. He was doing way too much too soon. Calling women non stop is a clear violation of the game. I’m with you on Red Flag# 5…On a short sale the bank is agreeing to accept less and you usually have to be behind for them to consider that. I work in finance so I see that all the time.
See? You’re the first guy who saw my overall point. No way I should feel that uncomfortable. Re short sale, exactly.
Women have good intuition for a reason. We need to listen to it more often! I think you made a wise choice.
Yes, we do. Thanks!
You did right to avoid him. It’s better to be careful.
I agree. Thanks for chiming in!