Should We Entertain Our Exes? (Lunch with M&M)

English: Yellow cabs on 5th Avenue at 44th Str...

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The funny thing is I don’t remember him being so short. It didn’t matter though because I absolutely adored him. He played soccer, so his thighs were always poppin – just thick, and muscular, and well-formed despite his small frame. Abs for days.

I am working at 44th Street and 5th Avenue.

That’s the text message I received from my ex “M&M” at about 1:25pm on Monday.

He’s working on a construction site for a few weeks in Manhattan and wanted to meet up for lunch.

I said yes, so we met up today in Times Square.

The first thing I thought when I woke up this morning was “Why did I agree to meet up with him? I’m not interested.” But then I remembered his legal/ immigration situation and how he might get deported back to Anguilla and how – this might be the last time I see him. Maybe he just wanted to talk.

After spotting me in the subway station and giving me a hug, he said “oh, you put on a little weight. Your thighs are bigger. I like that.” He could’ve burned a hole in my faux wrap, zebra-printed dress with that gaze!

At Havana Central, I ordered the lunch special – a salmon and avocado wrap, with a mesclun salad with balsalmic vinaigrette, and sweet potato chips. A glass of water. Delicious. M&M ordered a corona and a cheeseburger with fries.

The lunchtime crowd was thin. Smooth conversation centered on our children (none together), life over the past 15 years – and his mistakes.


The back story is that he cheated on me and got another girl pregnant. He says we weren’t REALLY together because he didn’t start to stray until like two to six months before we officially broke up. We were together a year and a half, but he remembers it being longer. And get this – his family thought he was too good for me because I had children.

I vowed that I would never speak to him again and nine years passed before I did. Facebook didn’t exist when we broke up. I didn’t find out about the baby until the 10lb boy was born eight months after he told me he needed space. I heard through my sister, who heard from his cousin.

Actually, he had two babies on the way. One was born two months after the first one – from a different woman (she was married and cheating).

Through distance and time, years, a million life events , and a ton of milestones (Amen), he claims losing me was the biggest mistake of his life.

You were very classy, beautiful, smart, already started in your career… You had everything, but I just couldn’t see it.

He’s probably right because I would have easily said yes to marriage.

I have no regrets and I never go backwards.

Peep this. Here’s the after lunch text:

I am looking forward to making love to you some day soon if you can find it in your mind. It’s your call, my love.

REALLY? I respond:

The answer is no, but I enjoyed lunch.


Is there a reason we can overlook?


I’m not interested. We can’t overlook that.

And oh yea, I told him the stuff is still as good as he remembers it, so he shouldn’t worry. He stopped responding!

This story ends here, because I don’t intend to ever see him again, but ladies, bear in mind — they always have a MOTIVE. I wrote about that here.

So what’s the word? Do you ever entertain old flames? Why or why not? Fellas, feel free to chime in.

Categories: Blogging, Narratives, Personal Stories, Uncategorized

Tags: , , , , , , ,

26 replies

  1. I’m so afraid to comment on your posts because you delete them so often. I tried commenting on the 1 you posted yesterday but it was deleted by the time I hit post comment via e-mail. Is this the same post?


  2. No. I say they’re your ex for a reason!


  3. An ex is an ex. On to the next!!! Drops mi…. nah I’ll slam it cause I’m done and I’ll make sure it’s broke!
    Had a Rakim moment there. Lol!!!


  4. Your welcome.


    • For the most part It’s usually not a good idea to entertain an ex, but I’ve heard some that have done it and went on to long term life partners. I guess it depends on maturity, lessons learned, and why he/she became your ex. Doing a moonwalk when it comes to an ex is not my thing but hey, for some it’s an option.


  5. I’ve banged exes before but that’s all it was. I didn’t go out to lunch to “catch up”. We would hit up a bar or they would just come over to the crib. I wouldn’t be friends with an ex because that’s pointless. It’s not like we will be able to actually hangout as friends. I can’t tell my girl I’m going to hangout with my ex girl. On the flip side I would never allow my girl to hangout with any ex dudes. I don’t even allow her to have male friends.


    • Well, damn. Allow? Wow. Did she have to ditch them all once yall became exclusive? As far as this guy, I didn’t feel up to going, but knew he might be leaving the country. My mistake, but I’m glad I went, just to conclude my story (writer mode). Oh, and I’m single, so I have no restraints as far as who I can hang out with.


      • Yes allow. I don’t play the male friends thing. I wouldn’t even think about seriously dating someone that told me they had a bunch of male friends. That screams thirsty energy and attention whoring because those guys aren’t really your friends. They want to hit and you know that.

        Being single does mean you have no restraints. I’m just saying real dudes aren’t checking for women with male friends. A simp yes, someone that’s true to the game, absolutely not.


        • I’m not checking for a man who has a bunch of female friends either. Oddly, I had one tell me that last week. I know I’m not going for it, so I feel you on that. And yes, I’ve never had a male friend who I thought would turn me down. Well, one – but he’s exceptional, and honest about his desires, reasoning, etc.

          I have self-imposed restraints, none imposed on me by a significant other (just for clarification).


  6. You know what in demand means haha. A man who has options. If you’re not in a exclusive relation he’s going to be dating/sleeping with other woman. You will be competing with other women. Why should he leave his options and get with you? Basically doing exactly what you said you wouldn’t.



  1. Seven Things I Miss About My Ex | My Female Persuasion

Please chime in here!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: